Journal 14

"He does not possess wealth, it possesses him."

Well that is pretty sad. Superficiality, eat your heart out. This takes "you can't buy love with money" to another level. Basically, the man is so consumed by his wealth it is like selling your soul to the devil. His sight is so fogged, almost blind, to the damage wealth can do to a person. He does not even control his own mind anymore, money does. Brainwashed and sucked dry of the simple free luxaries of life. Buy this, want that, waste on this, on and on and on he swirls in his misery. This black hole enticing him, sucking him down into madness. All he sees is green. A mad man scratching and clawing at the walls, circling his vault of despair. Do not even bother shaking him from this zombie-state, he is not even there anymore. The snake has its deadly clutch on his throat, slithering and whispering in his ear "buy..buy..money..you are wealthy..you are powerful.." but in the end is he really ? Is it worth losing yourself to have the world. To have servants and drivers and waiters bowing down and kissing your feet for your money. No one loves you. No one cares. People are cold and bitter. They want you dead for hopes of earnings in your will. He does not possess wealth. No, no where near. Wealth possesses this demented man, like the "thump thump thump" of the heart beat under the planks of the floor board*.

*Referance to The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe

Journal 13

Dear lovely roommate,
 I hope we can get along since we'll be sharing a small room together for awhile. I would like to advise you of a few of my, "perks". So.. I am a very caring person, sometimes I care too much and worry a lot. I am there when someone needs a hand or advice. Actually I tend to give more advice and am betrusted with more than I really ask for. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind. You can trust me with whatever, anything you tell me will stay between us I just ask it goes both ways. Also I tend to have panic attacks once in awhile, I am a worrier sometimes the stress just gets to me but don't worry I can control it pretty well just if I ever do around you repeat "breath" to me softly I would greatly appreciate that. Hopefully you're okay with a total night owl, I stay up late and wake up early. I can never sleep past 7 am. I go to a lot of concerts so if you're into that sweet i'd love to have a friend to go to shows to, if not I respect that. I use sarcasm a bit so don't take anything seriously i'm usually kidding around. Music and art are a very important part of my life, hopefully our music taste won't be too insanely different. When it comes to movies, I hate chick flicks. I cringe at them, I never get why girls "ooh" and "ahh" over them it just sets false standards that girl's then later whine about when their guy doesn't climb a carousel, endangering their life, to ask them on a date. Yeah i'm also pretty realistic. I do try to be as optomistic as possible but some things shouldn't be sugercoated. I love poetry, and reading books. I'm such a geek, woops sorry ha ha. I love my share of video games and super heroes.. Maybe a bit too much. I really am just an all around chill person, totally open minded. So yeah, can't wait to meet you and hopefully become good roomates. If not then well, I've got duck tape to split the room in half.

Journal 12

80's movie, que high school hall way with Blitzkrieg Bop playing over all other sound. Flash cut scenes, puting on some Doc Martens and a Smiths shirt then rushing out with a Madonna record under-arm. Mumbles goodbye to mom as she feeds the kids. Blitzkrieg stops playing as it enters a class scene, loose teacher sits at her desk lighting a smoke as the students talk about the upcoming dance. I walk in late, the teacher blows out a nice puff and adds "You're late doll face.", I smile, "Traffic, ahh here's that record I told you about. Hear she's pretty hip." teacher leans up to look at the record,"She has nice hair. Pretty girls get it all; fame, glitter, why can't I ?" I grin as I walk to a seat in the back, "Aw don't bash yourself". Forward scene to front of school, Round, Round by Belouis Some plays in the background as the commotion of teens leaving school is taking place. I sit off to the side on a bench as some friends come bumming up playfully pushing each other. "Hey, you comin' to Nikky's tonight ?" I look up from under my cat-shades, "Not tonight boys, some other time"
"Come on, The Cure's playin' tonight."
"Think i'm stayin' in tonight. You boys go on ahead." I look off to the side for my ride.
"Aw, who's gonna bum the smokes ?"
"Bum your own smokes, you're a big boy." friend mimics me as I stand up to walk away. "Say hi to Robert Smith for me." I yell back with a slight wave.

Journal 11

If you had to choose between sight and hearing, which would you choose. I'm not sure why, but i've always pondered this question from time to time and I believe it would give them a kind of insight to your way of thinking. Maybe it is just me but I see it as a very complicated question. I would choose sight. If I ever lost my vision, I can't even imagine what it would be like. I rely so much on my eyes, seeing the world and creating. After all the eyes are the doors to the soul. If I lost my sight, i'd lose my soul. The very fiber of my being would shatter, I would just be a shell of a human. I would be here, but not completely. I would be missing. Jacquline would not be there anymore. Yes I would have my hearing and I would still be able to verbaly comunitcate, but those would be useless without sight, in my opinion of course. Just because you can speak and hear what you are told, if you can not see it how can you tell truth from lies ? If you were blind folded and put in a sound proof room and told the walls were yellow, how would you know ? You would not truely be able to settle on whether they are really yellow, or maybe white or green. Without sight, you may be able to hear what is happening in the world but you will not be able to see what is happening. You can not fully digest the strength or power of a photo of a child starving from poverty. You may hear of it, but you will not see it. Sight, is powerful.

Journal 10

What Would Batman Do ?

That is probably the most amazing advice i've ever recieved. Not only has it stopped me in my tracks to ponder "wait..what would he ?" but also taught me to do the complete opposite of what the famous masked hero would do. On one hand, when in the midst of the battle between girl v. outfit for school, I would most definately stray from the menacing, black bat suit. Of course more casualy I would not mind the millionaire route, that is if the advice were "what would Bruce Wayne do" but seeing as this caped crusader chose underwear over his tights I think I will pass. On the other hand, when being chased by goons through the dark alleys of Gotham I think I would definately gear up my inner Batman.

Journal 9

There seems to already be a holiday for everything ! If I could commemorate anything it would just be youth. Everyday there would be a reason to celebrate this. Whether it be an insane spur of the moment roadtrip to see a band you like or simply just being able to run a mile without being winded. Of course this isn't an 80's movie, nothing that amazing can happen everyday. Being young is not as great of a perk as many make it. Sure there is some good here and there but it goes half and half. The cons of course are being ignored and being underage. Most just want to be able to drive and go as they please, but age comes with responsability. But the on the brightside, we don't have to pay bills or rent. We do not get insane stares for crowd surfing at shows or wearing a bands t shirt. The biggest worry we have is getting through school and making something of ourselves. We strive to prove others wrong, and to carpe the hell out of this diem. That is why if I could commemorate anything, it would be the beauty of being young and careless. Of course, no need to tell the rest of us twice.

Journal 8

This quote is from Pablo Picasso. Yes obviously I would pick a quote from an artist since I aspire to be one someday but this quote just means so much more. It's the essance, almost like an innocencee in a way, that we lose when growing up. Being young and free and just compeletly fresh in this world. Children have such a beautiful perspective of the outside, they see and understand but are uncorrupted enough to see the color inside and out of the lines. We lose this sight after years of reality. After hours of working to earn money, to spend money, to want money, to earn money, to spend..It's a vicious circle. When our minds are clogged with superficiality and mistaken needs, we just need refuge. We need a place, a time, to return to in our heads and connect to the roots we once dug so deep. That is my santuary. My mind is my temple. Art is my deity. I'm an inner-type person. I take it all in, and exhale it out.